Reflections

I love Viterbo, please don't ever get me wrong there. I love every breath, pulse, the push and the pull, every single cobblestone and every single face I've seen here. The people I've met are not anywhere less than incredible. I am so, so blessed to be here. I never want to go home. But I want to leave so much.

This town has ruined me. It's broken me down, twisted me inside out, and formed me back into a completely new creation. I've questioned everything I held onto when I left, and I feel like I've let go of a lot I didn't need. I'm the same Michelle than left Boston a month ago, but at the same time, I am so very different. I've seen things with my eyes that I'll never ever stop speaking of. I love this town, I am completely thoroughly in love with this country.

I'm so happy. I'm so renewed. I'm excited about life again. I'm so tired, but I'm so energized. I'm going to miss this place so much. I feel like going back home and picking everything back up from where I left it will be one of the hardest things I'll ever do. I am the same Michelle, but I am so much different. As I sit in my dirty little room, looking out the door to the patio, with the sun shining and the wind blowing at the curtains and every piece of grass and left moving with the rush of this city....

I'm content.

I've been restless and unhappy, I've been so very very unhappy on the inside for much too long. But here, I'm so content to just be. To walk the streets at night, to be drunk with happiness and wine, to hug and kiss my new friends and celebrate just the very notion of being alive. We don't have that at home. Everyone is busy and running and here, you just live. Life is so complicated at home, bobbing, weaving, pleasing too many people... it's unfair. I'm sure they have the same problems here, but I just don't see it in everyone's eyes as much.

It makes me want to travel more. To take out huge pieces of my life and throw myself into something new. I miss the familiar, but I don't want to go back into the routines.